4Kids of South Texas

Dave is officially on the board, and in the position of Treasurer, for the new adoption agency. We’ve hired a lawyer, established the working board (with just 3 people so far), applied for the 501(c)3, and made an agreement with a company called 4Kids of South Florida. We will basically be franchising 4Kids of South Florida into 4Kids of South Texas. We have our first employee – John, the Arrow and Bair worker who we love so much. John’s job is to get the state contracts done, set up the training, and establish 4Kids as a child placing agency. We will be traveling to Florida to see their set up, learn their culture, and hopefully get some insight as to how they have been so successful in their state. 4Kids is going to do amazing things for the foster kids, foster and adoptive families, and for biological families once we get it established and running. We are very excited to be bringing it to our city. One of my favorite things about the 4Kids business model is that it relies very little on the state funding it receives and more heavily on private funding and corporate sponsorships.  Our big challenge right now is to start that fund raising.

In other news, as a part of Tapestry, I have started a Foster/Adopt Mom Support Group at the church. We held our first meeting this past week and it went really good.  I didn’t know what to expect and was pleased with the results. Most foster/adopt parents feel like they are the only ones going through tough times – we call it ‘being on an island’. The support group will hopefully break down that barrier and allow the moms to come together for education, a mental break, and fellowship with like-minded moms.

As a way to promote Tapestry events and increase general awareness of the foster/adopt needs in our region, I contacted the local TV stations to see if they would be willing to do an ongoing segment with us. So far one has said yes…so soon I’ll be making TV appearances to do interviews about city events, children from hard places, and anything else we find a need to talk about.  What that all really translates to is I need to go buy some shirts I won’t sweat through!!!

A Year Later

It’s been a little over a year since I updated this blog.  SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED!  Sue is doing great and really thriving.  She entered a Scholarship Pageant (much like a beauty pageant) and won Miss Congeniality…instantly turning this football loving gal into a pageant mom.  Words I never thought I’d utter. She doing really good in school and about to get her driver’s license.

Every time Bair calls us about fostering a child or doing respite care, we have to say no for one reason or another.  Therefore, in January, we made our house inactive.  That means we still have our license with Bair but will not be keeping up with the training right now. Because of that, we cannot have foster kids in our house until we make the license active again.  We can be inactive for up to one year.

The reason we are so busy:

1) The church ministry.  Dave and I got trained in a parenting method for kids from hard places called Empowered To Connect.  Our part in the ministry is to teach this parenting method to other parents.  It’s a 9-week course.  We have completed one full class and are in the middle of teaching our second group of parents.

2)We have been asked to be on the board of directors for a new adoption agency opening in our town. A group of people we’ve met through our journey have been unhappy with their agency. They want a faith based agency that truly has the children at the heart of the agency. Since there isn’t a good one in town, they decided to start one. We are in the beginning stages of this process, but we are so excited to be a part of it.  I’ll leave it at that for now and give more detail in the weeks to come.

It’s been a very busy year.  All I really have left to say today is that I’m tired!! (But it’s been totally worth it!)

Another Path

Bair asked us for some more paperwork and should have licensed us this week (we are waiting to hear that it’s all done).  We have to do one training class for their agency, then we are good to go with getting more children, if and when we choose.

Strangely, wonderfully, all of this has led us to a new path we didn’t know was going to open up to us. Dave and I attend a weekly bible study at our church. We had to miss a night of that class to adopt Sue. When we got back to class, the group leader pulled us aside and said the church is interested in beginning a ministry for orphans and asked if we would like to be a part of it. We didn’t even hesitate before we both emphatically said yes. We went to a meeting at the church this week, sort of a kick-off meeting, so people who were interested in fostering, adopting, or helping orphans could get more information, and people interested in getting the ministry off the ground could learn how that’s going to happen. There were about 30 people who expressed interest in being a part of the leadership team and it should be a good mix of people to get this amazing ministry going.

The meeting introduced us to Empowered to Connect, empoweredtoconnect.org.  This is a volunteer group at a church in the Dallas area that has done years of legwork to get their orphan ministry going. And now they make all their resources available to anyone that needs it. It’s so much wonderful information…I only wish I had know about it when we started our research!!!

Be it people who want to adopt (domestically or internationally), be it people who want to foster, be it people who know they can’t take kids but want to do something like delivery emergency clothes and toys – this ministry will be a new resource for them. We are happy to be able to pass on what we’ve learned along the way and hopefully help not just kids like Sue, but expand our reach and help as many needs children as we can.  Please pray for the ministry.  Please pray for the orphans. Please pray for all the families that are willing to open their homes and their hearts to help.  Thanks.

Bair

A representative from Bair came and did a home study this weekend. I’m still unsettled with how this whole thing went down. Dave told me it was Arrow, not Bair.  I feel like they did it together. Anyway, we picked Bair and will get everything transferred to they will license us to foster/adopt. In Bair’s favor, they are transferring most of our stuff without us having to redo it all from the beginning. Our training transferred, thank goodness. Bair had to do their own home study, which took about an hour and was really just a lot of paperwork to sign. The lady that came was from out of town (which I didn’t like) and talked A LOT. She would give us something to read and sign, then would start talking about the next section before we could get started on the one she just handed us. I started ignoring her and reading and Dave would listen to her and answer questions. His stack of paperwork piled up quickly so I started listening to her and answering so he could catch up. I think she was a bit surprised that we actually read everything, instead of just signing it all.

We haven’t been officially licensed yet, but it’ll be coming soon. We will tell them to put us ‘on hold’ for a while though, because we are not ready to open the house to a new child yet. In the mean time, we will do respite care for people and maybe accept emergency placements. Respite care is basically babysitting, anywhere from one night to two weeks. Emergency placements are when the kid is suddenly taken from their home and needs an immediate place to be until they find a foster family matching the child’s needs. Those can last a few hours to 30 days.  Since we both work full time, emergency placements might not work for us, but we’ll see as they come up.

Adoption

We have officially adopted our daughter. We went to court, got sworn in, and our lawyer called people to the stand, including Dave, Sue, & Sue’s CPS worker. They all were asked if they thought the adoption was a good idea (and thankfully they all said Yes). We technically are supposed to foster Sue for 6 months before we should be allowed to adopt her. We were one week shy of that 6 month date so Sue’s lawyer had to request a waiver – which the judge jokingly denied – which Dave didn’t find very funny – which made the judge suddenly worried about Dave.  The judge tried to explain that he was only kidding and the day was a happy day and that he likes to joke around.  It was a very emotional, happy, and huge moment in our lives…not really the time for corny jokes.

Sue’s brother was adopted by his foster family at the same time.  We got to see him happily be accepted into his new family.  Overall, it was an amazing day.

None of us really ‘feel’ any differently now.  We still had to get up and go to work/school the next day. We still have bedtime, homework, chores…I will say that there is less worry and stress.  We don’t have to fill out paperwork for every single thing that happens. And we don’t have to worry about CPS taking Sue away from us. Now we can just be a normal family.

As I said in the last post, our adoption agency is closing their office in our city. We were told on Thursday that we had to find a new agency by Friday.  They really aren’t handling this transition very well. I emailed the lady and told her there was NO WAY we were choosing an agency by the next day and wanted to know the consequences. She strongly encouraged us to choose and do a release.  I strongly told her that wasn’t going to happen.  We talked to John (our case manager/trainer from Arrow) and he has accepted a position with Bair. We interviewed the case manager at another agency called Pathways. We talked to a few of the foster families we know at Arrow.  After all of that, we’ve decided to go with Bair. We plan on just getting transferred over and keeping our license updated. We will be on hold for a while, as we get settled with our new little family. Then, sometime in the future, we will open back up and look to bring another child into the family.  We’ve gone from a table for two to a table for three very quickly.  When will it be a table for four?  Only time will tell.

Negotiating

We are getting down to the final days until adoption. One of the last things we had to do was negotiate subsidies. In Texas, the ‘negotiation’ is that the kid is entitled to full benefits…so there was no negotiation. They told us why she’s entitled to subsidies, how much she gets, that she’s eligible for Medicaid and state schooling tuition reimbursement. Special needs kids being adopted are eligible for the subsidies and Medicaid until they turn 18. In our case, since we are adopting after she turned 16, she is eligible until she turns 21. The state schooling reimbursement is something she can use for life, as long as the state leaves the foster kid tuition reimbursement Senate bill alone. She can get as much education as she wants, she can become a doctor for example, and the state pays the way as long as she is going to a state school. She can start college right after high school, or she can work and go to college when she is 30…still covered as long as the Senate bill is still in effect.

In shocking news, Arrow’s San Antonio office has decided to close. We found out, along with the staff apparently, at an emergency meeting called by Arrow.  Arrow is headquartered in Houston, TX and has branches in several cities across Texas and some in other states. The San Antonio office is apparently not making money. Arrow partnered with another faith-bases agency, called Bair.  Bair’s Houston branch isn’t making any money. So Arrow is taking over the Bair office in Houston, and Bair is taking over the Arrow office in San Antonio.  What that means for us…we just lost our adoption agency. They are seeing us through the adoption this week, but then we have to find another agency. We can transition to Bair if we want to, but we haven’t decided on that yet. We don’t know anything about them. There is another agency in town, Pathways, that we are going to check out too. We may have to redo all our training, get all the inspections done again, and do all the steps we did with Arrow to get licensed with the new agency.

All that being said, when I found out they were closing, my first concern was what was going to happen to John, the Arrow employee that trained us and has been so wonderful through our entire process. What was going to happen to Christy, who is our case manager.  They found out they were losing their jobs when we found out the office was closing. John may have the option to get hired at Bair.  Christy is going to see her 8 adoptions through this month then decide what’s best for her family.  They both are in this profession to help these needy kids.  Finding out, at Christmas, that you are losing your job is hard but they both are so much more concerned with the kids they have been working with. Please say a prayer that all the employees of the office find jobs quickly.

Sick Parent

My allergies act up every year during this pollen season and it always turns into a cold.  So right now I’m sick.  And right now I’m trying really hard not to spread this sickness to my daughter.  It’s been really hard not to hug her for the last 2 days.  How do you do it parents?  How do you get through an illness without passing it along to your kids but still show them all the love and attention they need?  I know I haven’t figured it out yet.

Our Christmas tree and outside decorations are up.  We put up more than usual outside because we let Sue pick out some things.  We put up too much apparently because we blew a circuit.  We can’t figure out if it’s the extension cord, or if the lights are bad, or if there is just too much going into the power outlet.  We are going to troubleshoot it all until we get everything lit back up.  Right now just one half of the yard is on…which looks silly but when the entire yard is back up, it’ll look awesome.

We are at a countdown to adoption day.  It’s less than 2 weeks away.  We still haven’t heard from subsidies, but I contacted our lawyer, Sue’s lawyer, our adoption agency, and CPS and they all say we are good to go.  Let’s just hope none of us are sick…stupid allergies!

Thanksgiving

This weekend was Thanksgiving and the first major holiday Sue spent with our family. This time of the year can be hard for foster and adopted kids.  It may bring up memories from the past, good or bad, and some kids end up on an emotional roller coaster. They may be sad or angry or depressed about their past, but at the same time be happy and excited about their current situation (or the exact opposite – they could miss their past and really not want to be in their current situation).  It can be a really confusing time for these kids. 

Sue doesn’t seem to be on the emotional roller coaster.  She is genuinely happy to be a part of our family, to be involved in the traditions we have, and to be a part of new traditions we are starting because she is with us.  For Thanksgiving we had Dave’s family over to the house.  We all ate WAY too much food and we knocked out a jigsaw puzzle in less than two hours. The day after Thanksgiving, we dug out all the Christmas stuff and put the tree up.  Our tradition is that each year Dave and I each buy one ornament. This year she bought one too – it’s a chandelier of shoes….seriously perfect for her!  We’ll have the outside lights and decorations up this week, some of which she helped pick out this weekend. We are all really excited that by Christmas, she’ll be adopted.  It’s going to be the best Christmas ever!!!

Sleepwalking & Permanency Placement

Sue is on a lot of meds for her asthma. We have decided, from our extensive years of medical school (by watching ER for so long), that she never gets a very good night sleep from all the side effects of the medications.  Examples, Sue talks in her sleep and Sue sleepwalks. You can carry on an entire conversation with her and she’ll respond. She will get up to go to the bathroom and not remember doing it. She didn’t believe Dave when he told her about the sleepwalking until one night she woke up sitting at her desk. She had gotten out paper and a pen and was starting to do imaginary homework. This week Dave heard her singing in her sleep.  And my favorite sleepwalking event to date – she came out, stared at Dave from the hallway, and when he asked if she was ok, she came over and booped him on the nose twice then just went back to bed.

We got called to a permanency placement meeting. We sat with someone from CPS and answered a bunch of questions.  Where was she going to school; who was her therapist; when was her last check up; etc…Really we just helped CPS update their file on her. But at the end, we were a step closer to adoption. CPS has all their paperwork done. Our lawyer has all his stuff done. We have a court date set in December. We still haven’t gotten a call about the subsidies yet but we are being told that it will come and not be a factor.  Sue’s brother is going through all the same stuff with his foster family. They have decided to adopt him on the same day so the kids can be together for their adoption day.

Big Winner

I went out of town for 2 nights, so Dave and Sue spent their time at amusement parks. Their favorite part of the parks is the Midway.  They love to play the games.  And Sue cleans up at them!  You know that impossible game where you throw the ring and have to get it around the bottle top?  You know the game where the ring is just a little smaller than the bottle so you can never win? You know the game where they give you 300 rings to throw because they know you won’t get it? Yeah, she won that game and got a stuffed crab that is as big as her full sized bed.  She won a bunch of other games as well, coming home with at least 8 stuffed animals, a flag, and a lava lamp. Dave was carrying all the stuff out to the car and a man stopped him and said, “Buddy, you have the worst job, carrying the prizes to the games.” Dave explained that no, in fact his daughter won all that stuff and the guy was just floored.  I was too…because where’s it all going to to in our house!!!  I hope no one wants to visit anytime soon because the guest bedroom is full of stuffed animals.  I may start some Midway games in the front yard and give some of the things away to the neighborhood kids.

Sue celebrated her birthday this week. She got an amazing cake with a chocolate shoe on top, balloons, and we took her to dinner. She also got a sweater/coat that she had been eyeing at the store. Now that she has turned 16, we can negotiate her subsidies to last until she is 21. Hopefully, we will be doing that withing the next 2 weeks.  We have to sign some papers with CPS and have another home inspection (time to make some more cookies), then we should be able to adopt her.  YEAH!!!